Tag Archives: dating

When the game itself starts playing you

Couple crossing the street holding handsI’m exactly not a pro when it comes to dating. Even at my age, I still consider myself a novice when it comes to this topic. I guess I’m used to going out, having fun and not really consider it as “dating” per se. Besides, what is dating anyway? Flowers, chocolates, fancy restaurants, classical music, the whole shebang?

I have friends who are serial daters. They like to go out with their date/s almost every week. It’s funny that when I ask them if they enjoy their dates, they would mention everything from the food to the ambience to the service, except for one thing: what really happened during the date. It’s not that they’d like to keep it a secret, but, to be honest, they don’t really pay much attention to the “date” itself.

I was talking to my cousin a few days ago about courtship and dating. She said she still prefers traditional courtship. I asked her what she thinks traditional courtship is, and she said she wants the guy to visit her at home, get to know her parents and maybe go out once in awhile, preferably just the two of them so that they could get to know each other more.

What if the game of dating turns the tables and starts playing us? The game’s so old that most people take it for granted. They assume that since dating is a way to meet someone, they become accustom to the whole process, and it becomes mechanical.

I see hearts getting crushed because they thought that they were having a good run, but it turns out that they were being outrun. People get tired of all the mind games when it’s just supposed to be easy. Why has dating become so complicated?

I know, I don’t have much experience when it comes to dating and therefore I can’t make any expert opinion on it. But what I do know is that when you like someone, things shouldn’t be difficult. Even during dating stage, you shouldn’t need to pretend to be someone else. Like, if you can’t eat what you want during your date because you’re afraid of what your date might think, then probably it’s not worth going out on that date altogether. There are things in life that should happen naturally. Sometimes, the more you make things complicated, the more they’ll worsen.

And a chef’s advice to people who are beginning to enjoy dating: when it comes to choosing the restaurant, make sure the place is comfortable for the both of you. When it comes to the food you’ll eat, go for those that are easy to eat and digest. You’ll probably want to avoid “logistical” difficulties 😉 But don’t limit yourself the usual pasta and or salad! There’s no harm in ordering a yummy steak or fish. And don’t worry if you’re lipstick ends up on one of your teeth; just make sure to lick your teeth once in awhile. If you’re a clumsy eater, avoid ordering shellfish, and anything with red sauce. And while I don’t suggest kissing on first dates, maybe you should refrain from eating anything with too much garlic or onion to be safe. But you can always bring your breath freshener.

Kidding aside, dating should be fun. Because you get to go out with the person you want to be with. Don’t use it as an excuse to play around, remember, sometimes when you think you’re playing them they’ll end up better players than you are.

This post was written by Rita Salonga.

Continuing the dating game

Many couples tend to relegate their “couple status” to the back burner once the kids start coming. Jack and I will be celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary this year, and I have found that we have had to very deliberate about our couplehood, so that it stayed on top-of-mind for the two of us.

It’s not that married couples don’t want to spend time together anymore. It actually has more to do with the demands of parenthood. One child gets sick, another one is having a tantrum… First child gets well, the other child catches the virus. The yayas nowadays come and go at lightning speed. Husband and wife are often just trying to keep pace with the daily mishaps that crop up. Before they realize it, the month has passed, and they have not managed to go out on even one true-blue date.

What can we wives do to get back into the “dating game”? (And I speak to the wives because I believe the women carry the tone of the relationship… or at least, women read up more on relationships!)

  1. Don’t always expect to be surprised by your husband. Before life takes over, sync your calendar with your husband’s, and set your dates.
  2. Pencil in your dates, but don’t break your heart if plans change. Be flexible, especially if your husband has to deal with urgent matters at work. But, make sure to reschedule that canceled date.
  3. While on your date, DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR KIDS! I learned this from a book I read to prepare me for the birth of my second child. The author devoted a short section to “protecting the marital thread” (as having another child always turns a couple’s world upside down). She specifically gave this tip. Couples should make the deliberate effort to focus on each other. Talk about things that you learned at work, new interests you want to pursue, challenges that you have in the office. Anything about YOU!
  4. Last, but not least, don’t give in when your kids cry as they see you leave for your date. They will be thankful later on when they see their parents continue to be happily married to each other. When they shriek and beg you to stay home—or worse, beg to join you!—be firm. State what time you’ll be home and why you’re heading out. “Friday night is time for Mom and Dad to spend time together.”

Ironically, switching off the “parent mode” for a few hours every week has helped Jack and me become more effective and happier parents. And the wonders, of course, that dating has done for our marriage. Getting married does not excuse couples from continuing to play the dating game!

This post was written by Meg Murrf Trinidad.